The Jane Report
Matt Damon finally got his revenge on Jimmy Kimmel last night. Jimmy’s been telling the same joke for years at the end of his shows. He always says he has to bump Matt Damon because they ran out of time. So last night Matt hijacked the whole show for himself, and brought on his own band and his own guests. Of course it was a stunt to promote Jimmy’s show in its new time slot. It probably worked. Matt brought on the best guests the show ever had . . . Robin Williams, Sheryl Crow, Nicole Kidman, Reese Witherspoon, Demi Moore and a few others. Matt Damon also fired Jimmy’s sidekick Guillermo . . . and brought out Andy Garcia. Andy mimicked Guillermo’s goofy accent, and whipped out a taser.
J.J. Abrams will direct the next “Star Wars” film for Disney, taking stewardship of one of Hollywood’s most iconic and lucrative film franchises, an individual with knowledge of the production told TheWrap. “Argo” director Ben Affleck was also in contention, another individual with knowledge of the talks told TheWrap.
Lasy week we heard that Tiger Woods was desperate to get his ex-wife Elin Nordegren back. But maybe he’s actually moved on. The “Star” tabloid claims that he’s been nailing Olympic skier Lindsey Vonn since November. A source says, quote, “He wants to marry again, and thinks Lindsey could be the woman.” Lindsey is 28 Tiger is 37. Lindsey just got divorced last month, but she split from her husband, fellow skier Thomas Vonn, over a year ago.
Snoop Lion (formerly Snoop Dogg) showed up to LAX with a Bob Marley shirt and a badass Rasta cap. This after Bunny Wailer, an original member of Bob Marley and the Wailers, threatened to sue him, claiming he’s big phony who’s posing as a Rastafarian to make a movie and sell records. A group called the Rastafari Millennium Council also blasted Snoop in a 7-page letter to the media.
CBS has ordered a comedy pilot based on the 2011 big-screen movie, “Bad Teacher” that starred Cameron Diaz. The show will be based around a foul-mouthed divorcee who becomes a teacher to find her next husband.
Here’s Conan joking last night about the new decision to allow women in combat. He says we’re going to defeat the Taliban by giving them the silent treatment.
Michael Bublé is going to be a dad. The singer, 37, and his wife, actress Luisana Lopilato, 25, announced Thursday they are expecting their first child. The couple, who married in March 2011, have been open about their eventual plans for children. Buble has always wanted kids, but waited until his wife felt she was ready.
“Rolling Stone” has released a list of the 50 Funniest People Around Today. Louis C.K. tops it, and he’s followed by Stephen Colbert, Tina Fey, Jon Stewart and “South Park” creators Trey Parker and Matt Stone.
#1.) Louis C.K.
#2.) Stephen Colbert
#3.) Tina Fey
#4.) Jon Stewart
#5.) “South Park” creators Trey Parker and Matt Stone
#6.) Amy Poehler
#7.) Chris Rock
#8.) “Girls” creator and star Lena Dunham
Robin Roberts, 51, returned to the NYC set of “Good Morning America” Thursday morning in a test run since undergoing a bone marrow transplant surgery to see if she’s physically ready to come back to the show. Roberts say doctors want to see how her body reacts to stress and since her skin is so sensitive, how it will react with the strong studio lights. Roberts says her vision is still a little blurry from the treatment but is returning more each day.
Brooke Shields has joined the upcoming seventh season of Lifetime’s series “Army Wives” in a recurring role. She will play brash and brilliant Air Force Colonel Katherine “Kat” Young. She’s a crack C-17 pilot and never one to step away from a fight. Kat is a fierce advocate for the Air Force as she and Holden jockey for their respective branches at the highest levels of power on base. Army Wives heads into Season 7, premiering on March 10th.
The empty chair that Clint Eastwood addressed in his imaginary conversation with President Obama at the 2012 Republican National Convention has a new home. It is being held with other political memorabilia at the Republican National Committee headquarters in Washington D.C. in the office of RNC Chairman Reince Priebus.
Coachella has unveiled its 2013 lineup. The headliners this year are Blur and The Stone Roses on Day 1, Phoenix on Day 2 and the Red Hot Chili Peppers on Day 3, with an exciting array of secondary bands including Postal Service, Modest Mouse, The Yeah Yeah Yeahs and Wu-Tang Clan. Coachella runs from April 12 to 14 for Weekend 1 and April 19 to 21 for Weekend 2. Tickets go on sale on Jan. 29 at 10 a.m. and will likely sellout fast. Other highlights from the lineup include Of Monsters and Men, The Lumineers, Lou Reed, 2 Chainz, Stars, Passion Pit, Grizzly Bear and The XX.